This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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