I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize