Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
