Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
