i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
