How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
