Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
