The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize