My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
