At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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