just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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