u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
