I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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