i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if only i could text you this smell
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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