i permit you to call me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
