Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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