You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize