I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Girls should come with a carfax report
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
