you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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