I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
