i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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