so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
