i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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