I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Someone came in the potted fern
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
