I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
