How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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