I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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