I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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