just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
