Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
