The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
