im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
