I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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