I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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