She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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