I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
