I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Someone signed my nipple.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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