I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
