I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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