Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
