i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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