Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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