I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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