we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
