none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
