i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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