thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
