the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
