Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
