The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
