The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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