I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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