My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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