Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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