when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
