I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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