I think my vagina is haunted
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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