dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
