She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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