While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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