Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
vagina is talking i cant
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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