took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
