i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
