I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
