I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
