it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize