just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
