Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
