Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
