Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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