Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
