I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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