dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
