garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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