I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
