just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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