My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
