when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
