You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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