Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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