He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
