The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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