you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
