so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
