OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Say something about gay babies.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she peed on how many people?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize