I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
