she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
