Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
