it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
