Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
