I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
