thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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