if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
