Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
