connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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