I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
