Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love you. Go after that dick
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
