We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize